“If the grades do not touch, neither do you” is a phrase that habitually spills from people’s mouths when the subject of high school dating is raised. Dating someone older than you, notably in your teen years, is a subject that is rich with opinions. Even those who lack the actual experience, always have their own two cents to add. As I dove into this controversial matter, fresh questions constantly struck my mind: Are age-gapped relationships the way to go for young, impressionable minds? What are the incentives to date older? And what are the feasible repercussions from such a relationship? Some maintain that motivations purely root from an innocuous desire for maturity and experience, while others argue the perspective of attractiveness.
The ability to connect and communicate with the person you are dating is an indispensable quality in an ultimately successful relationship. The varying maturity level can however, make or break the bond. Regarding straying older when choosing a partner, freshman Rhythm Jain explains that “Especially if you’re a minor, I definitely do not recommend it, because you find more similarities with people your own age.” She argues that while the maturity levels may be a better fit, other drawbacks arise for an age-gapped couple. High school is short, and while freshman and sophomores may be satisfied with the feat of dating a senior, the accomplishment is anything but. While one is just entering high school, and drunk on the euphoria of their new lifestyle, intriguing characters, and inexhaustible dreams, the other is preparing for the momentous adjust to college and the reality of adulthood. A blog under the social journalism site Medium says, “Let’s say your focus in life is just hanging out with friends, doing homework, going to school, nothing really too serious, and for them, they’re focused on what they’re going to do once they graduate from school, what they’re going to do for work, how they’re going to support themselves, where they’re going to live, etc. The maturity level between the two of you is way different and it may be hard for you guys to connect.”
Though the butterflies that flutter through your stomach at the innocent eye contact or flirtatious innuendo may be infatuating, high school relationships do not have the best track record when it comes to the ability to last. Jain expresses the belief that “when you’re over 18 [age-gaped relationships] have a little bit higher success rate, because you’re both adults that have lived life – your youth is done. You both have jobs, you both pay taxes, and you can form those connections easily, because you’re actively going through similar things.” With different ages comes contrasting priorities and goals. As you age, and gain a more secure sense of self, your intentions and purpose become clear. Junior Noah Burtness explains that “I feel like [age-gapped relationships] work better outside of high school. Especially when you’re in school, you have a lot of other stressors and things going on that you have to prioritize.” It is harder to relate and make oneself understood when your partner is on a different chapter in their life, with dissimilar goals.
Teenage girls are said to be approximately two years ahead of boys, in relation to maturity and development. The Torch says, “To the female mind, it may seem as a waste of time dating the immature boys of their own age group… Seeing as girls mature faster than boys, they sometimes seek relationships with older men that can make them feel more grown up and seemingly match their maturity level.” The Torch also addresses themes of adoration, flattery, and infatuation with an older partner, and the subsequent consequences it brings.
Being pressured into moving faster than you want to is not always direct and verbal, it can be a mental pressure, slight and subtle, that exists because you are with a more experienced individual. Senior Naomi Law describes the feeling as, “a bit fantastical when you’re dating someone older. I think that it’s a lot easier to be tricked or manipulated into having sex when you’re younger because you’re so fascinated by the fact that an older guy wants to date you. You almost feel like you must overcompensate for your age gap – like you want to make up for not being an older, hotter senior.” Along with an age-gapped relationship can come emotional manipulation, and a sense of inferiority. The legal age of consent in Washington State is 16 years old. Some students argue that it is a good guideline to follow, because, by 16, you can drive, you are experienced, and you have the freedoms that come with being older. However, sophomore Odin Harper argues that “it’s kind of inevitable that teenagers will have sex, and so I think that people should be mindful of what they want and feel. I think that the legal consent age is kind of useless, because people have sex before they’re 16… People are going to do it no matter what.”
Though the elation of teenage love may be a powerful feeling, it is inevitably brief. Relationships in your early years create habits or preferences for future partners. Take it slow, remember your boundaries, and communicate.
